The Creed
by RoczaDeb
Summary: It had saved him in the end. Not from the pain and torture, but from giving up on himself. It showed him the way home.


**The Creed**

By Rocza

Story Status: Complete

Season: 6

Spoilers: 0606 Abyss

Categories: Episode Tag/Missing Scene, Angst

Characters: Jack O'Neill, Ba'al

Content Level: PG-13

Content Warning: Torture, Language

Summary: It had saved him in the end. Not from the pain and torture, but from giving up on himself. It showed him the way home.

Archive Permissions: The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent. Any who want it are welcome. Just give me credit.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; not me. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: In 2007, the US Air Force finally adopted an "Airman's Creed" for the first time. Before this, each specialty had a different version. But now all Airmen, Officer and Enlisted, have one unifying creed. In Stargate SG-1, Col Jack O'Neill lived and died by this creed, even though it had not been adopted yet. This story is a tribute to the Airman's Creed and to all those who live by it.

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The first time he was 'interviewed' by Ba'al, Jack was able to maintain his usual give-a-damn attitude. But being tortured to death and revived had taken the edge off of his snarky commentary. He was able to bluff his way through the next two sessions. But each time he woke up in the sarcophagus, the flame of his spirit burned just a bit lower.

Jack started hallucinating that Daniel was there around the fourth time. He remembered the fourth time because he slipped. He gave Ba'al the name of the Tok'ra. He didn't mean to slip, but the pain from the damn acid had been too distracting. He couldn't focus on provoking the bastard. He hated himself for the fourth time.

He started seeing the girl around the sixth and Jack found it funny that his imaginary Daniel couldn't see the imaginary Shallan. Ironically, his imaginary Daniel wouldn't do anything to help him. Of course, this just proved that it was just his imagination. His Daniel seldom listened to anyone, especially Jack, and was more of a doer than a talker. He had hoped it really was the ascended Daniel. Glowy Daniel would have been useful. Fake Daniel was just pissing him off.

At least, he still could get pissed. He had been worried for a bit when he couldn't summon the energy to hate Ba'al. Then again, Ba'al never did have Daniel's talent for saying just the wrong thing.

Jack stopped keeping track after the sixth time. He didn't want to know how many times in the box it took to destroy his soul. So, he didn't know how many times it took for him to start to hallucinate during a good torture session. Though, Jack was secretly pleased that it threw Ba'al for a loop.

"You shouldn't be here," Jack whispered to the girl as she floated in front of Ba'al. He didn't want her to see this. Kanan wouldn't want her to see this. Hell, no one should have to see a man broken and abused this way.

Ba'al just stared at him with a smarmy grin, letting the imaginary scene play out.

"You look so different. How can you be Kanan?" the girl in his mind asked.

"I'm not," Jack replied quietly. No Kanan was gone. He had fled at Jack's insistence. Jack hoped that he had made it safely away. After all, Jack had gotten him into this mess to begin with.

"If I leave with you, he will know," she stated firmly.

"He used both of us," Jack told her sadly, referring to Ba'al. Ba'al had used and abused the poor girl for months. He was using Jack now, just to get information. Jack was sure he enjoyed it just the same.

Ba'al took that as his cue, "He did use both of us. How long were you host to this Kanan before he convinced you to come here? Days, or merely hours?"

Jack was momentarily confused. Then he remembered. Shallan wasn't here. Ba'al was. And Ba'al wanted information. "I don't remember," Jack answered wearily, using his canned answer for all of Ba'al's questions.

"What did this Kanan share about his previous mission here?" Ba'al continued.

"Nothing," Jack replied automatically. These were old questions with already known answers.

"What did he want with my slave?" Ba'al pressed.

"I don't know," Jack lied, willing Ba'al to believe him.

"Why did he return?"

"I don't know," Jack answered again, not really hearing the question this time. Jack kept hoping that if he repeated it enough both he and Ba'al would believe it.

Ba'al rose and walked over to his little table of goodies. Oh joy, now the fun begins, "I believe you. You're a victim of this Tok'ra, just as I am…"

Jack tuned him out. It was getting easier to drift off. His mind was slowly unraveling. He could feel parts of himself drift away from him as he waited. The sharp pain of the first knife refocused his attention on Ba'al once again.

"What was its name?" Ba'al began again, asking the same questions.

This time Jack decided to reclaim a piece of himself. Ba'al wouldn't believe him no matter what he said, so fuck him. If he was going to die anyway, might as well die with a part of himself intact. It wasn't a big piece, but it was important to him. "I am an American Airman," he whispered to himself, gritting his teeth against the pain of the first knife. "I am a warrior."

"Well, human?" Ba'al asked, waiting for an answer.

"I have answered my nation's call," Jack continued. "I am an American Airman."

"What was his mission?" Ba'al asked as he dropped the second knife.

Jack grunted as the knife imbedded itself in his stomach. Using the pain as a focus, he increased his volume, "My mission is to fly, fight, and win."

"What was your mission here?" Ba'al demanded again.

"I am faithful to a proud heritage, a tradition of honor, and a legacy of valor," Jack continued gasping for breath.

"Your stubbornness is commendable. But it will only bring you more pain," Ba'al crooned.

"I am an American Airman," Jack said louder, his conviction giving him the strength to continue in spite of the pain.

"You are merely a host," Ba'al mocked.

"Guardian of freedom and justice. My nation's sword and shield. Its sentry and avenger," Jack blocked out Ba'al's mocking voice and continued to recite. He cried out as the next knife struck, piercing his lung. With difficulty, Jack drew a labored breath and continued, "I defend my country with my life."

"Yes, and I, your god, have decided to take that life," Ba'al sneered, raising another knife.

"I am an American Airman: Wingman, leader, warrior," Jack focused his bleary eyes on Ba'al. He deliberately sucked in a painful breath and glared defiantly at his torturer, "I will never leave an Airman behind. I will never falter, AND I WILL NOT FAIL."

"Ah," Ba'al sneered, "but you already have." Ba'al released the last knife, letting it pierce his eye and terminate his life yet again.

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Ba'al stared angrily at the corpse. The human had played him again. Out of spite, Ba'al angrily threw three more knives into the body. But the knives didn't erase the triumphant smile off of its face.

Ba'al slammed his hand on the release and watched as the body dropped away from him with only a small amount of satisfaction. But he was reminded that once again, this human had defied him. He should no longer be able to resist the pull of the sarcophagus as it drained his will.

"No matter," he said to himself. He couldn't hold out forever. "Bring him directly to me when he awakens," Ba'al instructed his Jaffa.

"Yes, my Lord."

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Jack had several more rounds with Ba'al. During the first two, Ba'al didn't even ask any questions and Jack decided not to pry. But he was quickly running out of time. He didn't know how long he had been here. He only knew that he never slept or ate. The sameness of the place kept him off kilter, like being lost in limbo.

In a way, he was in limbo. He was neither dead, nor alive. Just something in between.

He was ready to give up. He wanted to die, just one last time. He kept hoping his imaginary Daniel would show up so he could say good-bye.

Ba'al thought that his mind was failing, and he was probably right. I mean, hell, Ba'al would be an expert on when the torture/death/revival thing had finally broken the mind beyond repair, right? Who else had the practice?

The Jaffa pushed him into the cell once more. Jack actually wondered why they bothered. They were just going to drag him back out. Why not just pin him to the wall and save themselves the trip?

"Right," he sighed to himself as he slid to the floor, "Now is the time to worry about Jaffa efficiency. I'm sure Ba'al would just love the constructive criticism."

Then he felt it, a brush of consciousness, "Daniel?" he asked the empty room hopefully.

"I'm here," Daniel replied.

Jack sighed in relief but refused to look at his friend. It hurt too much and he really didn't want to see the look of pain on Daniel's face when he asked Daniel once more to kill him. "You were gone," he started morosely.

"I know. I'm sorry. There was something I had to do. But, I'm back now and I promise I'll stay with you 'til this is over," Daniel tried to reassure him.

God, how could his imagination still have so much hope, "It'll never be over."

"Yes, it will," Daniel replied with conviction.

But Jack was too tired to argue with him, "Daniel, you have to end this."

"Jack, you just have to hang in there a little while linger," Daniel replied, soothingly.

Jack wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that it would all be over soon, but he couldn't. Too much had happened. "No, I can't go back in there. If I go back, I swear to God, I'll give Ba'al what he wants. I'll tell him," Jack surprised himself. Not because he was trying to bribe his imagination into an agreement, but because he believed it.

"What?" Daniel replied.

See, even Daniel couldn't believe that he had sunk so low, "That he loved her."

"Kanan?"

Jack nodded and continued, "He came back for her. He wanted to save her." I wanted to save her, he whispered to himself.

"Ba'al doesn't know this," Daniel stated, evenly.

Jack continued to stare at the wall, "If he finds out, he'll do to her what he's doing to me." That thought was the only thing keeping him quiet. How could he put her, or anyone, for that matter, through this? But he was in so much pain right now, so tired of trying to save everyone else. "Daniel, if you don't end this…I'll tell him." The admission was killing him, even if it was just to himself. Ba'al was right. His mind was failing.

"You won't have to. It's almost over, Jack," Daniel stated with quiet conviction.

Jack finally turned to look at him, "How?"

"You were right. There's always a way out…Well, at least there's always a chance. Your journey isn't over, Jack, not yet," Daniel said cryptically.

Jack hated cryptic. But for the first time in awhile, he felt hope. "What'd you do?" Maybe Daniel really was here and not just some hallucination.

"I didn't do anything. It was…um…Sam and Teal'c…and…uh…Jonas too," Daniel stammered.

"What?" Jack replied, trying not to sound hopeful.

"They thought of something," Daniel smiled proudly.

Jack jumped to his feet, "What?"

Suddenly, the whole building was rocked by an explosion. The lights flickered and suddenly Jack had hope. He looked up at the opening to the cell, waiting to see Jaffa, but it remained clear.

Daniel stood next to him, "This is it. All you ever wanted was a fighting chance, Jack. Now you have it. If anyone can make it out of here, you can."

Jack heard one of the Jaffa yell a rally call, "Lord Yu attacks!"

The lights flickered one more time and the room began to change orientation, "Daniel?" Jack turned to find Daniel gone.

Once the room finished turning, Jack began his stealthy escape. He started to recite the Airman's Creed, using it to bolster his fragmented mind and will. He spotted the Jaffa first and immediately attacked. He poured all his anger and frustration into his punches, brutally knocking the Jaffa to the ground. The Jaffa didn't stand a chance after that.

Jack quickly striped the dead Jaffa of his weapons. He had a mission to complete. Jack tapped into Kanan's knowledge of the facility and worked his way back towards the girl's cell. He was actually surprised to find Shallan cowering in her cell. The room had already turned, but she was still in the cell.

Remnants of Kanan's love still whispered in his mind. Her timidity was only one of the things Kanan loved about her. However, Jack didn't like it. He liked strong women, not simpering girls. Women who could save themselves. Yet here he was again, trying to save this fragile flower from Ba'al.

Jack carefully held out his hand, "Come with me."

"No," she cried, "He'll stop us."

Oh, fer crying out loud, I don't have time for this shit. He grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the cell. She only put up a token resistance and that was quickly broken with his simple command, "Come on."

Jack continued to recite the creed in his head, using its words to measure the pace of their escape. They were able to avoid the Jaffa of both Ba'al and Yu. The Stargate was unguarded and Jack quickly dialed an abandoned world before dialing the Tok'ra planet.

Once through the Stargate, he let his pace slow. Shallan was having a hard time keeping up. She didn't have the creed. She couldn't draw strength from it. She couldn't use it to focus her thoughts and inspire hope in her heart. Jack felt sorry for her. She had lost almost everything. Kanan was most likely dead. Her home, horrific as it was, was lost to her. And soon, he would return to Earth, so she would lose the only friendly face she knew.

They were suddenly surrounded by the Tok'ra security team, "Who are you?"

The creed felt more real than Jack O'Neill. He wasn't sure just who Jack O'Neill was, but he owned the creed. It was more real to him than his own name. So, Jack smiled and gave his reply, "I am an American Airman: Wingman, Leader, Warrior. I will never leave an Airman behind. I will never falter, and I will not fail."

"Stand down," a familiar voice rang out. "It is Kanan and Colonel O'Neill."

Jack turned to the voice. The group parted and Selmak/Jacob Carter stepped forward with a grin and open arms. Jack recognized the man. He was also an Airman. Friend. Warrior. His fragmented mind grasped a title that he often used to address him, "Dad."

"It's good to have you back Kanan, Jack," Jacob/Selmak replied with caution.

Jack's head dropped in sorrow. He may not have liked the idea of the Tok'ra, but Kanan had been a good snake, almost a friend. Jack had pushed him into taking on the rescue mission, once Jack had found out about Kanan's feelings for Shallan. They had meticulously planned the operation. And if Shallan hadn't taken so long to convince, they would have made it away clean. But she had hesitated at Kanan's new face and that hesitation had cost them valuable time. Time that they didn't have to spare.

"Kanan is gone," Jack told the group quietly. "This is Shallan. She served as Ba'al's lotar." Jack grasped the facts, few and simple as they were. But he wasn't quite up to a drawn out retelling. Jack turned to Jacob/Selmak, "I prefer to tell this story only once."

Jack couldn't ask them for anything. Not after he had gotten Kanan lost, most likely killed over this. He was almost afraid that they would keep him longer. He had already lost too much of himself, too much of Kanan. He needed to go home and reclaim his soul and rekindle his spirit. He couldn't do that here. This was Kanan's home.

Jacob seemed to understand Jack's quiet implication, "Of course," Jacob turned to the rest and Selmak took control, "I will escort Col. O'Neill to the Tau'ri. See to the lotar's comfort."

As one, Jack and Jacob turned and marched back to the Stargate.

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Several days later, Dr. Janet Frasier sat with Col. O'Neill in the isolation room. He was well into withdrawal from the sarcophagus. She had been anguished as she listened to his cries of pain and requests to just finish it. She refused to let anyone else take over her duties as he relived those horrible moments in his mind. She would only allow two medical technicians to assist her. Colonel O'Neill wouldn't want anyone to hear him cry out, to hear the horrors he had suffered. Janet would respect his wishes and she would do her best to preserve his dignity as much as possible.

But today something had changed. Today, he was whispering something new. Over and over again, he recited it. At first she thought it was a prayer and then a poem. But it didn't flow like that. It didn't rhyme. The words were spoken with a strength that she didn't associate with prayer and a measured meter that was more meaning than intent. But, whatever it was, it seemed to calm him and help him through the pain.

She leaned and tried to catch the words.

"I am an American Airman. I am a warrior. I have answered my nation's call…" the words flowed, rhythmic, steady, and so like the man. A solid foundation upon which to rebuild himself.

After feeling helpless for days, just watching him suffer, Janet knew that she could help him with this. She reclaimed her own oath of loyalty and joined him in reciting the creed, "I am an American Airman. My mission is to fly, fight, and win…"

END

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End Notes:

Airman's Creed

I am an American Airman.

I am a Warrior.

I have answered my nation's call.

I am an American Airman.

My mission is to fly, fight, and win.

I am faithful to a proud heritage,

A tradition of honor,

And a legacy of Valor.

I am an American Airman.

Guardian of freedom and justice.

My nation's sword and shield.

Its sentry and avenger.

I defend my country with my life.

I am an American Airman:

Wingman, leader, warrior.

I will never leave an Airman behind,

I will never falter,

And I will not fail.


End file.
